I've had a lot of people, especially co-workers, ask what I'll do. I know what they're thinking; the skepticism running through their minds is not far off what would be running through mine in a different situation. And probably not far off what's running through yours as you ponder the foolishness of quitting a job without an offer in the current economy.
This whole school year I have felt two subtle but firm movements inside of me. (That's a metaphor; I'm not pregnant...just to quell the rumors before they begin.) The first is quite human: a dissatisfaction with what I'm doing. I'm not trained nor gifted to work with small children. My strengths lie with older kids, and I love them. I'm also only employed for 32 hrs/week. (In case you're wondering, that's tricky to live off of.)
The second thing is a familiar knowledge that God is bringing me to something new...again. The summer before I moved to the DR I felt inexplicably that something was coming and I had to start getting ready. Spending time with friends and physically organizing myself. If you don't remember the summer of 2009, that also was a really bad time to quit a job, and my parents were very leery. I didn't tell a whole lot of people because if I am completely honest with you, I have to confess I am sensitive to others' judgments of me, even though I probably don't appear that way.
I have the same sense that it is time to move on again. I can't explain it and if you don't know Jesus it will make absolutely no sense and you'll think I'm a fool. Even if you know Jesus you may still think I'm unwise. That's alright. I trust my Dad. He guides me with His counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny (Psalm 73:24).
So for now, when people ask me where I'm going to go or what I'm going to do, I smile and say, I don't know. And that's true, but I guess I could tack on that I'm going to do whatever God has next for me. It absolutely makes me a little bit nervous in my stomach, but I also have a calm certainty about the situation.
The day I told my bosses I was leaving I felt slightly nauseous...until after I talked to them. Then I felt that peace in my spirit, which then combined with the dismay of the 2nd graders at my door told me I was making the right move.
Even if I look at it from a non-spiritual paradigm, I believe that I'm too young to get entrenched in a job I don't love. I feel like I've worked hard enough and shoved myself through too much schooling to settle for something I don't enjoy that doesn't pay what I need to be making. The night I quit, I came home and found these quotes on Pinterest:
"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." -MLK Jr
"The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it." -Steve Jobs
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor." -Mark Twain
"How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog--it's here a little while, then it's gone. What you ought to say is, "If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that." -James 4:14-15
All very different guys, but similar messages.
So yes, I am making what looks from the outside like a questionable decision. Maybe not just the outside; even my mom has her eyebrows raised. But I wouldn't be who I am today or have been the places I have without making questionable decisions. Besides, my life has already been written for me, and I know the Author. He won't let me down.
