One year with Zhi Sai

This past Tuesday, my family had the privilege of recognizing the one year anniversary of our 6th family member. That went fast! (In some ways.) What a year it's been with Zhi Sai. I know each one of my family members has different perspectives, but I can only speak for mine.

It has been both exactly what I expected and nothing like what I expected. I expected some adjusting issues; I didn't know what type. I expected sister moments; I didn't expect that they would involve pandas and my old room being painted pink. I expected arguments, but I had no idea it would be about wearing jeans and putting shoes on when it's 30 degrees outside. I expected to grow, but I didn't know how much God would teach me through ZS.

Here's what having her around has taught me, at least the part I can put in words.

From a learning perspective, it's fascinating to have a second language learner in the house. It's also interesting watching the cultural differences that we've encountered. And some of them may just be her personality, who knows, but we are constantly baffled by some of her behaviors. But in that, I'm forced to accept that other people have different ways of doing things based on where and how they were brought up. I respect her way of doing things, even if I think it is silly or inefficient, because they are hers. My middle class white American perspective is not better or worse than hers; it's just different. And that's a good thing to look at.

And how do I handle that? Do I get angry and annoyed when she does "weird" stuff? Or do I learn to let go a little, give up some control. Someone once said life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you do with it. I can let the things that bother me about her make me frustrated with her, the concept of adoption, and Chinese people or general. Or I can stretch a little everyday, become more flexible. Become a better person.

Forgiveness. Wow, what she has taught me about forgiveness. She can be offensive without even realizing it. When I encounter that, again, I have a choice. Hold onto it and harden slowly, or forgive without hearing an apology, because I know I have offended God and others countless times, and they have shown me forgiveness. There are times that I have gotten angry with her and she turns against me because of that. My tendency would be to leave her in her anger, but God's grace must be working because I'm learning to go to her and apologize for my part and tell her how much I love her.

The first few months were pretty tough. She spent a lot of evenings in her room crying, muttering in Chinese, and looking at pictures of her friends back home. I desperately wanted to communicate to her the big picture, that life here would be better for her. That eventually she would make friends. She would get an education and have the opportunity to go to college and learn about Jesus. Even if I could speak Chinese, I don't think she would have understood.

But don't we do that with God? When we're going through something hard don't we sometimes cry and ask for our old lives back? And I wonder if He thinks, I wish she could see the big picture, and how this is going to make things better in time. I doubt Zhi Sai trusts our judgment about what's best for her...maybe sometimes we trust God's judgment about what's best for us. She can't see the end, and neither can we.

I think what it all comes down to is that I'm learning about love. I really, really want Zhi Sai to give me a big hug (which she won't do). I want to get snuggly with her and watch chick flicks. I want to go shopping and help her pick out clothes. I think it will happen in time. It just might not be soon. And if it never happens, that's ok. I still love her. In some inexplicable way that has nothing to do with her being especially kind or loving, I adore her and think she's fabulous. And I'm in awe that God has put this inside of me, which I know He has because I don't naturally have a gentle or unconditionally loving personality. It gives me the tiniest glimpse of how He loves us without much in return. She hurts my feelings sometimes, but that's ok. With her, I see the big picture: a girl without hope or a future was given one. And that's what God does with me; He gives me hope and a future.

So here's to you, baby sister. You are a blessing to me and others around you. Life will be a little trickier for you here...but you'll always have my hand to help you. Happy Anniversary!

Summer update

Well...here we are again, at that awkward place where I update my blog and apologize for not having done it sooner. Again I'd like to point out that since my last post I have completed almost three graduate classes (9 credits). Which, by the way, is a PAIN. This M-F 9-4 class situation is a pain. BUT after tomorrow I will be HALFWAY done my Masters degree!! Woot. Just so you're all aware, I fully intend on making a big deal out of it when I graduate. You will think there has never been a Master's degree given out before.

Anyway, let's move on, since also after tomorrow I can officially start summer vacation! Things I hope to do this summer...slash am definitely doing:

-beach with the fam in a few weeks
-going to SEATTLE! to visit my twin with Kels
-move out??
-help a former coworker with her twins
-make some jewelry with my coworker and former art teacher :)
-tutor
-get Brewer out here PRONTO
-another Bikram Yoga!
-Take 15 classes at Merritt...also a Groupon purchase!
-Learn to slalom ski...oh WAIT I DID THAT YESTERDAY!
-weekly prayer/craft meetings with my Erikins
-hang out with my cousin returning from Kenya in August!

Ok I think that's enough for now...I actually have to go call Krysten back...later kids.

Bikram Yoga

So this has absolutely nothing to do with Father's Day, but I did say I would blog about my yoga adventure. On some fateful day in May, Groupon offered 5 sessions of Bikram (pronounced "beek-ram") for $20. Since yoga can get pricey and summer was coming up, I was quite interested. Bikram yoga is also known as "hot yoga," and I don't really know the technical differences except that it's yoga in a 105 degree heated room. Supposedly all the sweating detoxifies your body.

Since I'm obviously intrigued by new experiences, I was pretty excited to buy my yoga mat and get started. I even made a bag to carry my yoga mat in! I rolled over to Cockeysville (which, to be fair, is a far roll) and tried not to look too ignorant about what I was doing. I stuck my stuff in a locker, grabbed my water, towel, and mat, and headed into The Room.

The first thing, in my opinion, that you notice about The Room is the smell. There's no way of sugar-coating the fact that it's pretty bad. I can't explain it. I don't think it's like that everywhere, though. Maybe just that location. Anyway the obvious second thing, or maybe you realize it simultaneously, is the heat. No brainer, right? But it's also humid, and since there are no windows, it feels stuffy too; the air has nowhere to go. So I thought I'd be all cool like the other folks and lie on my mat and wait for 15 minutes until class started but there was no way. I set my towel down and went back to the bathroom and pretending to look for something in my locker until the last possible second.

Once class started, the instructor informed us that we'd probably start to feel sick and lightheaded, like we were going to pass out, but we wouldn't. I nodded and thought, Do you know where I lived for a year? I can handle anything.

And about 30 minutes later, I reversed my position on that. I was pretty sure that she was wrong; I was going to pass out. Or die. The yoga itself isn't the problem; it's the heat and humidity that gets to you. Also the sweat that runs into your eyes burns. But dang it I was going to stick it out, and I did. And if sweating detoxifies you, then I'm pretty sure I got a lot of toxins out.

After class was over and I staggered, blurry-eyed into the hallway and the bathroom to retrieve my things, I could only assume that this is how one feels when they've smoked some bad weed. As I left I checked with the instructor just to confirm that the sweating is good for you...I wanted to really make sure that there was some benefit to this situation.

I won't lie; I wasn't really sure I should drive home, but there were things to get done so I sailed off trying to refocus my brain. Let me tell you, that's one of the best showers I've ever had.

So. The conclusion. The next day I noticed I didn't feel as hungry as usual, and that kind of continued for the next few weeks, which cause me to lose weight since I wasn't consuming many calories. Now that could be due to a ton of things: stress, the ludicrous amount of vitamins I'm taking, whatever it is that is currently effecting my joints, but I like to think it was the yoga. So was it hot and miserable? Yes. Did I see benefits? I think so. Will I go back? Definitely. I payed money for those classes and I fully intend to use it up. And if it alter my appetite, all the better. Would I pay $17/class (the normal price)? Not unless it radically alters my health.

I'm also wondering if I should just get a yoga video and set it up outside on my deck on a hot, humid July day to get the same effect...

SCHOOL'S OUT!

There are no words in English nor in Hebrew to express how I feel today. There were certainly days (more than I care to admit to) that I wasn't sure I'd make it to this point! But here we are, and the school year is 2.5 hours from being DONE! I cannot believe it.

I'm not completely off the hook; I still have classes to complete. But I think not going to work all day will make a huge difference. I am so enjoying my current class, educational assessment, and how applicable it is! Really all my classes have been great; I highly recommend College of Notre Dame of Maryland, to be changed to Notre Dame of Maryland University this fall. It's a great place. And there's definitely something to be said for learning things you are doing at the same time.

Without further ado, some summer plans:

-Finish Educational Assessment
-1 week of Human Development
-1 week of Leadership I
-Smith A104 roommate reunion July 4th weekend! What!
-trip to Michigan?
-trip to Seattle?
-see Natalie Brewer?
-sit by as many pools as possible
-read the books required for my ACSI certification
-beach with my family

That's a lot of things...so I'd better stop before I stress myself out.

Note: I need to update on two things at some point, Bikram Yoga and my health. Forthcoming!

Holy Week Reflections

Yes, I have returned from my travels south, and will certainly have comment on it later, but today is Good Friday, and I had the pleasure of having my weekly prayer time with my best friend Erica today, and I want to post here some of what I reflected on with her.

I've been working hard this year, and I think I didn't realize until recently how impossible this year should have been for me. A few weeks ago I stopped and realized the significant number of changes and challenges I've experienced since last June:

1) moved back to my home country
2) moved back in with my parents
3) started a new job
4) started a graduate program
5) lost a grandparent
6) watched my dad struggle with keeping the surviving grandparent healthy and well
7) felt very uncertain about the future of my church due to financial issues
8) planned a trip to a country I've never been to
9) lost the other grandparent on that trip
10) got sick 3 times
11) gained a new, non-English speaking member of my family
12) since September, I've spent the year without of my best friends (in Africa)
13) been part of the preparations for the other best friend's wedding in 3 weeks

There have been other things too...trying to maintain a healthy diet that I can believe in...missing friends in other states and not having time to visit them...making new friends...I could add other things.

When these things started to occur to me, it dawned on me that no one person should be able to handle this many things in one year. I think I kind of turned around to see how long and how far Christ has been carrying me this year. Because I shouldn't have been able to get through all this without falling apart. But God has brought me through this. And He's still bringing me through this.

About two weeks ago I hit another change, a bump in the road, whatever you want to call it. And that was my moment of saying, Lord, I don't think I can handle any more this year. I'm praying He doesn't send anything else. But I'm so blissfully at peace knowing that if He does, He'll give me the strength to get through it.

So today, as I reflect on the meaning of today, the remembrance of Jesus' death for me, I'm also thinking about how He sacrificed Himself on earth so that I could have a relationship with Him. A relationship that means He covers me. I don't see any benefit to Him: I get redeemed, He has to take care of another sinner. And so tonight I'm just marveling at this kind of love. And so thankful that He shows it to us.

Viaje!

Am I the worst blogger in the world? Potentially. I need someone to remind me.

Just a quick note to say two things: A) I'm leaving tomorrow to go back down to Jarabacoa! SO EXCITED to see everyone and to have some time off. It came at the perfect time for so many reasons. B) I will probably eat meat while I am there. So many of my memories come from different places we ate, and I want to visit old haunts. Not to mention I doubt there are any gross mega meat processing factories in the DR.

Might have to do a posting at the old Tier Travels spot...we'll see! Hasta luego!

Pura vida...

Since 2006 I've sort of made it my goal to hit a new country every year. I've cheated a little bit (2 new countries in 2009 and no new one in 2010), but for the most part I'm doing well. 2011's country: Costa Rica!
I went with 30some 8th graders and their parents and such for a week-long missions trip. It was pretty stressful but the weather was beautiful and we all know how I feel about palm trees. Definitely a confirmation of my love for Central/South America and Hispanic countries in general.

I'll let the pictures do the talking!